"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world." -Richard Dawkins

Saturday, November 20, 2010


There comes a time in every American's life when you're The One. Kind of like the Matrix, only with poultry. You might be the only one left. You might have had the honor passed down to you. You might be the host. Doesn't matter the situation, but the day comes, and that's it. That big turkey is all on you.


Take this year for example. My mom's had two 18lb turkeys in her freezer for nearly two years, now. Baking these unwieldy monstrosities is something we've been putting off diligently for a long, long time. And then this year she said, "Ali, we've got to bake those turkeys."

And you know my mom, when she says "we" what she really means is "you" in an adorable and roundabout kind of way. So I gave her that look...

Yeah, it did look a little like that.

Four total consultations with Nana, Poppa, and Martha Stewart, a half pound of butter, some honey, sage, salt, pepper, pickling spice, two oven bags and almost ten hours total of work and baking later, we had turkey.

Thirty six pounds of it. 

Needless to say we had turkey for dinner that night, then turkey sandwiches the next day. I boiled one of the carcasses in a slow cooker all of yesterday and had turkey soup for dinner. I'm going to have to freeze some of the meat, because really. My daughter weighs thirty six pounds, just to give you some perspective. That is a HECK of a lot of turkey meat.

Want to hear the real kicker here? Mom's bringing home another turkey this coming up week. And? We're going to the diner on Thanksgiving day because no one wants to cook. There you have it; my crazy family, and oh how I love them.

1 comment:

  1. CORRECTION: the turkeys had only been in the freezer since just before last thanksgiving. So roughly 11.5 months NOT 2 years! Plus I work 6 days a week ... I don't have time to slow roast a turkey let alone two! Ali likes to cook and my mother likes to cook ... me, not so much. I can cook, I just prefer not to. My motto is let the ones who enjoy it do it ... am I right?