"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world." -Richard Dawkins

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Happy IUD Day!

Today I exercised my right as a woman to just say no to babies for as long as I darn well please. You may remember part one's fiasco when I went in to my OBGYN and asked for the ParaGard only to be told they couldn't give it to me because Catholics don't believe in copper. Whatever, Catholics! They sent me to a different OBGYN, conveniently located across the street from a Starbucks.

So me and my gingerbread latte (omg it's almost Christmas) braced ourselves for insertion in the strange new office with all the cute preggo ladies sitting around looking very rotund. I kinda wished for a half a second I was one of them before I reminded myself why I was there...

(Do you guys hear that chorus of angels? Oh, you're right, there isn't one because God doesn't believe in copper. Sorry. Whatever, my own personal angels are still in the sidelines screaming "GO TEAM!")

The awkward waiting is the hardest part. I'm not going to candy-coat this stuff, this is business. They have you come in while you have your period, otherwise your cervix isn't soft enough for insertion. So there you are, sitting on a splat mat, bleeding all over yourself. Your lap is covered up with a paper towel big enough for Guy Fieri to wipe his mouth with after eating a manburger on some episode of Triple D and your new doctor comes in and is like, "HI! SO GLAD TO MEET YOU!" and you. are. mortified.

Mortified.

This is my IUD. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My IUD is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My IUD, without me, is useless. Without my IUD, I am useless pregnant.

And pregnant is for some other time.

2 comments:

  1. Mazel tov on your new IUD friend. I love mine so much and can not imagine life without it. For me, it was all about helping my endometriosis. The pregnancy block was a bonus perk.

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  2. First of all, I see the copper, it's right there, how can anyone not believe in it! ;)

    Now that I got that out, without being as offensive as I originally had planned... They wouldn't give me mine when 12 weeks post-partum like they said they would :( So now, nearly 8 months later I have to try to find time to get there and get it done!

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