"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world." -Richard Dawkins

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Pathiganism and the Paragard

In which Ali gets up on her femwagon soapbox and demands to know who's driving this flying Jesus umbrella.

Do you know what you're looking at right now? Yes, I know that's Jesus, but do you know what the other thing is? That's the female reproductive system, and this photo is what happens when your OB/GYN says "you're all set!" and then leaves you half naked in the exam room wondering what that means, exactly. Can you just get dressed and move on out? You know that moment of not being sure?

That's when I take photos like this. (After almost breaking the FRS model and having halves of resin uterii falling out all over the floor.)

This is a moral tale about having to fill out all your information because you're a new patient. Having to write "Athiest/Pagan" under 'Religion' and then being stuck in an exam room with a crucifix. Oh Jeez- literally oh Jeez. The conversation with the nurse went like this:

"So you're here to talk about birth control options?"
"Yes, I'd like to have an IUD put in."
"Okay! Well we'll do a workup for you and then we'll discuss the Mirena..."
"Actually I want the Paragard."
"Oh. We don't do that here."
::Chorus of chirping crickets.:: "Well... where would I have to go to have that done?"
"I don't know. But, [your OB/GYN] will know! I'll ask her and you can talk to her when she comes in here."

Awesome. OB/GYN comes in. She is one hell of a hip lady. I would want to go have coffee with her if she wasn't busy with speculums and whatnot. Anyway, she says to me with big air quotes that they reside under the Catholic Health Umbrella™ and can't give me a copper IUD because that would be a contraceptive.

Oh my god. Literally.

Turns out that hormonal BC methods are for "Cycle Regulation"! Who knew? So she super secret smuggles me a post-it note with a super secret phone number of an OB/GYN 11 miles south who can super secretly stuff a piece of copper up my... ...Yeah.

Really? Semantics and the Pope are going to make me waste a gallon of gas and more paperwork and more pap smears just so I can get the birth control I want because everyone's busy pretending their hormonal birth control methods aren't for keeping babies out of uterii?

What is this I can't even.

1 comment:

  1. This is why my OB/GYN is at Beth Israel. Jewish doctors would rather you not have a baby you don't want.